Sunday, June 30, 2013

Unda Tha Sea

Yesterday, we went snorkeling, and it was awesome. And I was this close to missing out because I was scared. 
What if there's sharks? What if I get tired and can't keep swimming? WHAT IF I GET LOST?! 
I find myself doing that a lot; getting scared, I mean. I'll be the first to admit that I'm a baby. But the ocean's pretty intimidating, alright?
It's a whole different world down there. 

We didn't get it on camera, because the awesome GoPro has like this much battery life and was dead an hour into the day, but we saw a sea turtle! And it was awesome! (Let it be known that the amount of times in which I say awesome does not retract from the severity of the word. Awesome is awesome is awesome.)

Is it weird that I give animals voices? Especially fish. I just can't help but imagining them all telling each other to just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming...

Damn you Finding Nemo.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Morning Madness

I have to say, I have been really blessed in having a baby that loves to sleep. From the time he was eight weeks old (his first night in his crib) he has slept through the night and taken naps like a champ. I never really got to experience that whole, I haven't slept in a year, thing. I'm not telling you this to make you jealous, I swear. I'm telling you to lead up to this:

Aubrey now wakes up, like clockwork, at 7:00 a.m.

He used to wake up between 9 and 9:30.

I really hate mornings. 

So I'm lying there, all snugly and warm and comfy, because I have this awesome Tempurpedic mattress that literally cocoons me and makes me feel like I'm lying on a bed of clouds, and all of the sudden I hear, "Mommy! GET UP!"

Naturally, I look at the video monitor (yes, we still use a monitor) and see him sitting in the middle of his crib all chillin' and stuff. And definitely wide awake. But he's not upset and it's 7 a.m. and I'm just like ugh. I decide to do what any no mother would do and turn the sound off. And go back to sleep. It sounds really terrible, but I swear he was completely fine. 

I start drifting off again, and maybe I do for about a half hour or so, but then I can hear him through the walls (his room is right next to ours) and he's all like, "Mommy, I poopy!"

Apparently this is his favorite saying, probably because it gets my attention real quick. I look over at the monitor, and this time I see him standing and doing something. I can't really see what it is from the angle I'm at, so I sit up and move closer to the screen. And then I see it.

He's taking his pants off, and his hands are moving for his diaper.

"Noooo!" I yell, throw the covers off and bolt out of the room. I burst into Aubrey's room and sure enough, he's rushing to undo the velcro on his diaper. His hands are mid-pull and he looks up at me, smiles, and says, "Hi Mommy," all sweet and innocent like he didn't just threaten me with his poopy diaper. 

This kid, he's good.

After I got over the fact that it was 7:30 and still kind of dark out, I was mildly impressed. 

I got him out of the crib and changed him and made him his smoothie like I do every. single. morning. We watched cartoons while he drank it and then.........

It was 8:30. 

What do people do at 8:30 in the morning?? It probably seems strange to you, but you have to understand. Before this week, Aubrey would sleep until 9, we'd be up and ready to conquer the world by 10, and then we'd be down for a nap by 2. Game. Set. Match.

But now he's up at 7, and then he's ten times hungrier and then he's tired by noon and then our whole day is just screwed up and I just don't know.

Is this what it's like to have a baby?

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Mom Rule Book

I don't know if you know this, but being a mom is kind of super tricky. Like, I spent most of my teenage years babysitting and/or nannying for one family or another. I worked in the nursery at church every Sunday, and not just the toddler nursery. I rocked those infants to sleep like woah. It was something I was good at. But then I had Aubrey, and all the stuff I thought I knew was thrown out the window.

I'm going to be honest here- no one tells you that when you're brand new baby cries every two hours in the middle of the night, you're not going to think he's that cute. In fact, you're probably going to want to drop him off next door or something. And then he's just a blob for a while, because infants don't do anything other than eat, sleep and poop, and you're gunna be like, when do you start to resemble a functioning human being?

There's a lot of stuff new mom's should know, but that's another post for another day.

Sometimes, being a mom is really awkward. Like, I have to feed my baby, and I'm nursing, and I'm at the mall with my single friends who don't have babies, so I have to sit here in the bathroom on this nasty couch for an hour while I feed my baby and they stand there not doing anything except trying not to watch me feed my baby. Or, like today, I got to the grocery store, picked out a bunch of fruit and started walking towards the meat section and Aubrey decides to yell, "Mommy, I poopy!" to the entire store. So I had to ditch the cart, ask some random cashier to keep an eye on it and walk him to the bathroom, all while he's telling everyone about how he is poopy. It was awesome.

Then there's the whole situation with having to talk to people. If you know me, you know that I'm kind of shy when it comes to talking to people. At least I used to be. You can't be shy when you have a kid, because Aubrey likes to do things like walk up to strangers and start conversations, which really means I'm having a conversation with them because no one other than their own mother's can understand what they're saying.

For example: At the beach the other day, Aubrey is down by the water playing in this inflatable pool and decides to drift over to the family playing next to him. He just jumps right in and grabs their buckets and shovels and starts dumping sand all over their beautiful sand castle. And I'm all like, should I go extract him? I should go get him. So I walk down there, and in my super sweet I'm-in-front-of-other-people mom voice, I say, "Aubrey, honey, let's go play with your toys over here." And they just kind of look at me like, are our toys not good enough for him? And I realize that I'm tugging on his arm as if I'm desperate to get him away from this family when really I'm just trying to prevent him from imposing on their beautiful sand castle building.

I decide to let him stay, but then I'm stuck with the question of, what am I supposed to do? Do I join in on the castle building, or do I just stand there hovering like a half naked creep? (I'm in a bathing suit, which makes this whole situation infinitely more awkward.)

Instead, I grab Aubrey's attention mid-sand dump and tell him it's time to eat a snack. Which it totally wasn't, but I was not digging that situation with the foreign, sand castle building family.

I've decided that someone should create a rule book. An unorthodox mom-rule-book that tells us what we're supposed to do when we're in a skimpy too piece bathing suit and not wanting to bend over to build sand castles in front of this lady's husband and young child (I know, I know, the rule will probably be to not wear a skimpy two piece bathing suit, but it was really cute, okay?)

Either way, anyone who tells you that being a mom comes naturally is lying. Sort of. I mean, yeah, my body knows how to do things like make milk and wake up from a dead sleep at the slightest noise, but it does not know what to do when my child is yelling "Ouch!" in the middle of the mall while I'm dragging him by his arm because he refuses to put his feet on the floor, which causes everyone to stare at me like I'm abusing him.

Being a mom is not easy. Anyone who says that is DEFINITELY lying. No questions asked.

 Now I have to tell you that it's totally worth it, or else you'll think poorly of me. It's totally worth it. There.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013


You know you're a mom when...
Your biggest accomplishment of the day, maybe even your life, is getting your child to eat a whole meal. Twice. IN ONE DAY.
Oh! And carrots! (Okay, maybe it was only one, BUT STILL!!!)

This could be life changing. This could be the turning point of our food battles. We could be finished with the fight against nourishment!!!

Eh, who am I kidding. I'll probably be back to begging him to eat a cheese stick by tomorrow. But for now, I'm logging it as an accomplishment. A victory. FOR THE WIN!

Monday, June 24, 2013

To the Beach

Today, we had an adventure.

So, I hate to admit to this, since it seems like a crime, but we don't go to the beach very often. I know, I know. Crazy, right? It's like, a ten minute drive. And it's always hot. And it's always sunny. How could we not take advantage of the beautiful, perfect, Florida weather?!

Well, for one, it is most certainly not always sunny. As a matter of fact, up until Thursday, I had forgotten what the sun looked like. I wish I could say that a rainy/cloudy day means it isn't as hot, but that's not the case either. It just means that, instead of breathing air like a typical human being, I am forced to learn how to breathe under water because it is just that humid.

But the last few days have been pretty near perfect, and so we have been venturing to the beach. On Saturday, Todd went fishing with the guys (apparently girls aren't allowed to go fishing) and so Aubrey and I went to this really cool beach and had a really cool day. (We don't need you, Todd!) I brought nothing but our towels and his sippy cup and we played with the sand until Aubrey got it is in his eyes and started freaking out. It was a short lived, but fun.

Today, Meaghan texts me and says they're going to Singer Island, which is our favorite beach. And I'm all like, sure! It's beautiful out! C'mon Aubrey, let's go to the beach!

Don't get me wrong- it was beautiful out. But it was also 96 degrees. And I was carrying a heavy cooler and a heavy bag and dragging a heavy child through sand that was searing the skin off of my poor, delicate toes. It was awful. And then I remembered why we never go to the beach. And then I started to regret my decision of coming at all. 

Finally, after two trips, we got everything and were finally able to relax. And, wouldn't you know it, it was a beautiful day. Aubrey and Nico dug and swam and had the time of their lives. I got a tan. We got to go on a water slide. All of these things equal an awesome day.

Point of the story- I take the beach for granted. I think to myself, it's too much work, but in the end it's always worth it. The pool in my backyard has nothing on God's sandy creation. If only there was a way to save my poor toes from the inferno...

Here are some pics (and a video!) from my handy dandy GoPro camera which I hardly ever use....... 

Frikkin photo-bombers. 

Friday, June 21, 2013

Guess Who's Back...

...back again. Rocky's back, tell a friend...

Thank you, Eminem, for providing copious amounts of songs to which we can navigate the roads of our lives. (Just kidding.)

But seriously, I'm back on my mommy blog! I figured, since I'm in the writing mood as well as the procrastinating mood, what better way to spend my time than updating Rocky's Modern Life?

Here's the thing; with Facebook and now Instagram, I feel like writing here is kind of pointless. Like, what could I possibly say that hasn't already been said? Well, I don't really say much on those websites, more like just post pictures and what have you, but here I like to tell stories and funny things that happen in my day-to-day life.

For instance, I have learned that if I bribe Aubrey with food while eating food, I can get him to eat almost anything.

Me: Aubrey, I need you to eat these chicken nuggets. (What kind of kid doesn't want to eat chicken nuggets?)
Aubrey: No chicken nuggets!
Me: I'll give you a treat. (Like he's a dog...)
Aubrey: *snifflesniffle* Okay. *Takes teeny tiny little bit*
Me: Aubrey, I need you to take a bigger bite.
Aubrey: *stuffs entire chicken nugget into mouth*
Me: *sigh* Whatever, here's a berry. (That's his treat, in case you're wondering)

I've also learned that I can bribe him with food to behave in a public setting.

Me: Aubrey, if you don't get off the nasty floor of this grocery store right this instant than we are not getting french fries.
Aubrey: *stands up and walks (at snail pace) to me*

The outcomes are usually a bit unpredictable, but it works most of the time...

But seriously, every day with him is a surprise. He never ceases to amaze me with how much he understands and knows and how much he can speak. The other day, my friend Rachelle is buckling him into his carseat and he proceeds to say exactly this: Ohhhh, Shell, I like your bracelets.

We died with laughter.

Now if only he could get the whole potty training thing down...

Todd and I are currently living in the dream state of buying our own house. I say dream state because it is merely a dream at this point. West Palm Beach is crazy expensive, not to mention less than ideal for raising a family, but we don't know if we're ready to give up our beach and, more importantly, being close to family.
Either way, it's fun to find houses online and then proceed to drive by them, only to find out that they are not really for sale and then get stared at by the surrounding community as your drive slowly through their neighborhood like a creeper.

One day we'll have a house and then I'll be able to come up with more excuses as to why I don't organize (there isn't enough room here) or do laundry (it's the middle of summer and our washer and dryer are outside...)

In this dream state of mine, we have a sprawling mansion on a hill by the beach, with our closest friends and family as our neighbors, and I'm a successful, published author with five perfectly behaved boys playing in the toy room on the other side of the wall. (HAH)

But then I look over to my right and laugh, because Todd has fallen asleep with the lights on and still in his jeans, and I look over to my left and smile because I can see Aubrey on the monitor, all curled up in a ball, the same way he's slept since the day he was born, and I remind myself that this is my dream state, too. And that my dream state is my real state and that I am so lucky to live this life.

I may not have everything I want, but I definitely have everything I need, and that's all that matters.

Some more inspiring words from Eminem:

So be careful what you wish for'Cause you just might get it and if you get it
Then you just might not know what to do wit' it
'Cause it might just come back on you ten fold