Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Where you lead

As I sit here, deciding how to start this particular blog entry, I can feel Emily's limbs rolling around inside of my belly. Always on the right side of my stomach, just like her brother's before her. It never gets old, the feeling of life inside of me, growing and stretching and pushing my body to it's physical limits. No matter how many times Todd has felt it, I snatch his hand and place it right on top of her outstretched arm or leg, hoping that it never gets old for him, too. And the stillness of his hands as he waits for her to move again and the smile on his face never disappoint. It's these little moments- of pure amazement and bliss- that right everything in our world. 

When Rory says a new word, when Aubrey says "Yes, mam" without being prompted, when the boys (and the dog) are playing together, giggling and tumbling around on the floor and filling our tiny apartment with so much love. It's these moments that remind me of what's important- that whatever the reason, we are where we are for a purpose. 

And although things aren't going according to plan, we're holding on to the hope that God knows better than we do. That what he has in store for us is just so great that we can't even imagine it in our small scoped brains. If it were up to us, Todd would have applied and been accepted into the Navy back in January. The road would have been smooth sailing, with tests and physicals and interviews out of the way with one fell swoop. What happened went more like this- It took forever to set up his physical, he missed the January deadline, finally got his physical and was told he had a heart murmur. The heart murmur was confirmed by the cardiologist and now its a matter of waiting. Will it keep him out of the Navy? He was told it shouldn't. But honestly, at this point, anything is possible. If there's one thing God is teaching us through all of this, it's that. And determination. Perseverance.

 Fighting for what we want in the face of setbacks and disappointments.

I'm a person that gets easily stressed and overwhelmed. When things feel out of my control, I usually adopt a "nothing ever works out for us" attitude. And while it may seem that way, it feels that way, I stop and realize that we are poorer than we've ever been- literally living off of student loans with a family of 4- and we've never had more. More peace, more love, more happiness. Yes, some things are tough. The waiting, the not knowing, the being where we didn't think we'd ever be. But we miraculously pay every bill without trouble. We have food, we have a roof over our heads, we get days off together where we do fun things. For now, we're enjoying this time together, living in a small space where we're literally on top of each other, spending more time as a family. 

The plan now is for Todd to apply to the Navy in April. May will be a full month for us, with Todd finishing his first semester at FAU, little Emily due May 22nd, the boys birthdays thrown in there and finding out if Todd has been accepted sometime in between all of that. For now, we continue living, day to day. We thank God every morning for the breath in our lungs and every night for the food on our table. 

Will you join us in praying for His will for us? Whatever that may be, and wherever it may lead. 

Photo by: http://www.sheachristine.com/